Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It was confusing and full of hummus
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
