so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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