I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Everclear isn't food dammit
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