It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
