I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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