Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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