ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
