Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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