So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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