she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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