We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
