I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
