I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
