It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
NoShamevember. You game?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
