Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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