you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
