I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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