Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
