Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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