theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
BRING THE BAGELS
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
