you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
