no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
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When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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