My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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