party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
