Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
