Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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