are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
