I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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