If i come over, it means nothing
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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