I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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