The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
