OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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