Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize