It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
