dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
