Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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