Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
