I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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