Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
