btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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