Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
