I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
