I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
