I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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