i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
