I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
