Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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