I feel like I'm in dance class right now
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
