I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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