i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
