does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize