I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
