So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
