So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
