i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
