Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
