I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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