a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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