He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'd cum for enchiladas.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
