While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
