I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
