I hate all girls vehemently.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
