do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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