I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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