nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.