brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?