feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
wow bdsm is so cute
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
