Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
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forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
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No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Two words: blizzard sex
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.