i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
