sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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